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When I was diagnosed with breast
cancer in December of 2001, I was 33 years old. I was
going through a series of fertility tests in hope that I would get
pregnant by the following year. This was my only focus.
In fact, when my doctor found the
lump in my right breast, it was treated as nothing to be
worried about. After all, I was young, in good health, with
absolutely no family history of cancer of any sort.
When it came time for the
precautionary sonogram, the radiologist even gave me a choice; wait
and see if the lump would manifest itself into someone more,
or simply remove it for "cosmetic" reasons.
Again, nothing to worry about, or at least I thought.
The decision to remove the
lump was simple. I hadn't even given it much thought since I
was on my first round of fertility drugs. This lump was in my
way. My focus was clear, this lump was a nuisance and nothing
more.
When I got the call from my doctor
after the biopsy, it was a strange feeling. High grade
infiltrative carcinoma? What's that? And how do I get rid of
it? I think I treated it more like a rash than cancer. In
fact, I'm not sure if I really understood the depth of what I
had just been told. I didn't realize how this was going to
effect the next year of my life and I certainly didn't believe
that this could kill me. I'm not sure if I was being naive or
just upset that this was ruining my baby plans.
Now decisions had to be made. In
light of the circumstances, I chose a full mastectomy on my
right breast and also on my left. With the fertility drugs
that I would have to take to try and get pregnant again, when
my treatment was over and the cancer drug Tamoxifen that would
need to be taken for 5 years afterwards, the path I needed to
take was clear. Remove all breast tissue and reduce the chance
of a reoccurance and increase the chance of getting my life
back. A hard decision? Not really. Not when you're focus is
clear. Save a life to make a life.
I finished with chemotherapy six
months ago. I'm getting my hair back and frankly I kind of
like it short and sassy. I had my second stage reconstruction
three days ago and I'm up and around, typing emails with
a bag of frozen peas taped to my chest. I'm
even using the time off to look at magazines trying to
get ideas on how to decorate a nursery. I'm thinking
bunnies...yes, I think I like bunnies.
To me this disease was a nuisance
and nothing more. It was simply an interruption to a life filled
with endless possibilities that including my own family. My
advice is to find a focus and live for that. Do whatever
it takes to get there. We owe ourselves that.
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